I have demons in me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
