Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
