Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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