my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
