lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
