farters have to be the big spoon...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize