WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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