Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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