I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize