I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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