It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
