"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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