I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
where am i from again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
