She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
