The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
