so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
