question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
