Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
