I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
