I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
