Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
