Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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