Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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