just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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