I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
