her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
