I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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