so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
