return my video game
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
