I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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