You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
