is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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