Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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