so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
