i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can Purell be used as lube?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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