Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
