You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
