I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
