Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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