a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
