I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
