Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

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  (808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet. http://tfl.nu/mtia
  Replies (12) Good night (1497) Bad night (775)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2587) Bad night (591)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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  (724): I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes. http://tfl.nu/hea3
  Replies (18) Good night (1078) Bad night (4184)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i just sent this text using only my big toe

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  (954): i just sent this text using only my big toe http://tfl.nu/upij
  Replies (22) Good night (6107) Bad night (1019)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...

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  (715): she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over... http://tfl.nu/jqzz
  Replies (17) Good night (4793) Bad night (1137)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"

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  (512): he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls" http://tfl.nu/sggu
  Replies (6) Good night (1321) Bad night (3941)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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  (484): so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey. http://tfl.nu/h1y9
  Replies (7) Good night (3515) Bad night (845)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza

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  (403): He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza http://tfl.nu/hh1z
  Replies (3) Good night (1785) Bad night (605)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero

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  (847): i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero http://tfl.nu/upbm
  Replies (16) Good night (2599) Bad night (710)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

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  (319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (511)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.

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  (757): I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me. http://tfl.nu/r9ax
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (380)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….

  (716): View more from New York

  ...Then...

  (585): View more from New York

  Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one

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  (585): You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then……. (716): ...Then... (585): Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one http://tfl.nu/7kz2
  Replies (0) Good night (844) Bad night (345)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?

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  (734): Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join? http://tfl.nu/rgcj
  Replies (6) Good night (873) Bad night (372)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.

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  (505): I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp. http://tfl.nu/vrdl
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (337)
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  (716): View more from New York

  My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.

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  (716): My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline. http://tfl.nu/yjcz
  Replies (2) Good night (222) Bad night (611)

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