I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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