captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!