Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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