remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol