I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
