halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just found a bag of teeth...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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