What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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