i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, beer. Big fan.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
