how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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