Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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