Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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