..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
