Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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