Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
