Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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