I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
