I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
