don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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