Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
