I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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