i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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