The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
