I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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