At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
