farters have to be the big spoon...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
