I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
