she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
