my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
