Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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