eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
