If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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